Welcome to 3-2-1 Tuesdays with Better Wellness Naturally- When You Feel Behind in Life
- Admin
- Aug 5
- 6 min read
Thank you for joining us for 3-2-1 Tuesdays!
Quick bits of therapeutic info and learning, ideas, concepts, and quotes.
Brought to you by Better Wellness Naturally
3: Keys
2: Concepts
1: Quick Article
“You’re not behind in life. There’s no schedule or timetable that we all must follow. … Wherever you are right now is exactly where you need to be.” — Emily Maroutian
3 Keys
Time Isn’t a Straight Line— and Healing Doesn’t Follow a Schedule: We’re taught to believe that life should move in a steady, upward path: finish school, land a job, find a partner, buy a house, be “set.” But real life doesn’t work like that. Growth comes in waves. Healing happens in spirals. And sometimes, before a big becoming, we enter a quiet season—one that looks still on the outside but is full of unseen rearranging on the inside.
You are not broken for needing more time. You’re not late. You’re just on a different kind of timeline—one that honors the depth of your journey, not just the speed of your milestones. Some seasons are meant for planting. Some are meant for blooming. Both are sacred.
Milestones Are Made Up— Meaning Is What Matters: Let’s be honest! A lot of the pressure we feel comes from expectations that were handed to us, not chosen by us. The idea that you should be married by 30, thriving by 25, or completely “figured out” by a certain age? That’s not truth—it’s conditioning. It’s a timeline that fits a system, not a soul.
The truth is you get to define what a meaningful life looks like for you. Not your parents. Not Instagram. Not the version of you from five years ago. If you’re waking up, showing up, learning how to live with more honesty and love—that is progress. Even if it doesn’t look flashy. Even if no one claps for it yet.
What You See in Others Isn’t the Full Story: When you feel behind, it's so easy to look around and think, “Everyone else is doing better than me.” But what you're usually seeing is the surface—the curated version, the part people are comfortable sharing. Not the nights they doubted themselves. Not the losses. Not the therapy sessions or silent cries in the shower.
We’re wired to compare—our brains naturally look for reference points. Comparison, though, especially in the age of social media, gives us distorted feedback. It measures your whole messy, real, beautiful life against someone else's filtered—and likely, altered— moment. And that’s never fair to your story.
A Couple of Concepts
Chronos vs. Kairos Time: We live most of our lives in Chronos time. It’s the time of clocks, calendars, deadlines, and birthdays. It’s where we say things like
“I should’ve done this by now,” “At her age, she already has…,” “I’m running out of time.”
But the Greeks had another kind of time: Kairos. Kairos isn’t about what the clock says. It’s about the right time—the soul’s time. It’s that quiet inner knowing that something is unfolding, even if it’s not fast, even if it’s not visible. It’s when something happens exactly when your heart is ready, not when the world says it should.
When you feel behind in life, you’re probably measuring yourself in Chronos—but your story is unfolding in Kairos. Some of the most beautiful breakthroughs don’t happen on time. They happen in time.
Neuroplastic Delay: Ever been working so hard on yourself but feel like… nothing's changing? That’s neuroplastic delay—a real and powerful thing.It’s when your brain is learning, healing, and rewiring—but the results lag behind the effort. You’re doing the journaling, the boundaries, the therapy, and the hard conversations—but your inner world still feels like a mess.
Here’s what’s happening: your brain is quietly forming new neural pathways—replacing old patterns with new ones. Like any major renovation, the first phase is messy. The brain needs time to stabilize the new structure. That can take weeks, even months. That doesn't mean it's not working. It just means it's not instant. And chaos comes before creation.
Research shows that deep emotional change—like healing trauma or building new self-trust—often begins showing measurable brain changes long before you consciously notice them. So, if you feel behind while doing the work… you’re probably just in the waiting room of transformation.
A Quick Overview: You’re Not Behind—You’re Becoming: The Neuroscience of Self-Timing
If you’ve ever whispered, “I should be further along,” you’re not alone. You are living in a culture that celebrates speed, rewards constant motion, and glorifies linear achievement. But your body—and your brain—were never wired to live like that.
What you may not realize is that the part of your brain responsible for setting goals, planning your future, and evaluating your progress—the prefrontal cortex—doesn’t reach full maturity until about age 25, and continues evolving well into your 30s and even 40s. What you’re calling “late” might actually be right on time for your real developmental rhythm. Studies show that executive function and self-regulation unfold slowly and unevenly, especially for people healing from trauma, emotional neglect, or burnout. The term ‘late bloomer’ isn’t a negative!
When you feel like everyone else has it figured out—and you don’t, it’s often not failure—it’s a signal. A signal that you’ve been carrying more than others can see. That you’ve had to move through fog that others might not understand. Therapists call this the shame trap—not just feeling bad about where you are, but feeling bad about how long it’s taking you to get out. Healing doesn’t come with a syllabus. There is no “right age” to break patterns, find clarity, or come home to yourself.
What’s even more comforting? The science shows that real growth is usually invisible at first. Most of the brain’s major rewiring happens beneath your awareness—quietly, patiently, like roots growing underground. In 2021, researchers studied patients who felt they were stuck in therapy—getting nowhere. Scans, however, told another story: after 6 to 12 months, their brains showed massive structural changes. Their minds were healing, even before they could feel it.
So, if you’re in a season of stuckness, confusion, or stillness, it may not be the end. It may be the beginning of something new that hasn’t taken form yet. The work is still working, even in silence.
You are not behind. You are in process. You are right on time for your becoming.
Honor the season. Trust the delay. You’re not late—you’re just on your own timeline.
References:
Kirmayer, L. J. (2015). Time and the Other in Psychotherapy: Chronos and Kairos in Cross-Cultural Healing. Transcultural Psychiatry, 52(3), 365–390.
Tullet, A. M., et al. (2016). Chronos and Kairos in everyday life: Time perspective and well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 110(3), 354–367.
Gernsbacher, M. A. (2014). Neuroplasticity: More than 40 years of research. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 111(20), 7405–7406.
Hölzel, B. K., et al. (2011). Mindfulness practice leads to increases in regional brain gray matter density. Psychiatry Research: Neuroimaging, 191(1), 36–43.
Steinberg, L. (2013). The influence of neuroscience on US Supreme Court decisions about adolescents’ criminal culpability. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 14(7), 513–518.
Want to Fast-Forward your healing journey?
We’d love to have you join us on our next retreat.
If you are ready to be part of something different,
please join our Early Access List at www.BetterWellnessRetreats.com
For more info and to Retreat with us: www.BetterWellnessRetreats.com
by Laura Weber Garrison, PhD
New Editorial Review!:
“Life-changing, grounded, and deeply healing…
I’ve followed Dr. Garrison’s work across her platforms—Better Wellness Naturally, Better Wellness Retreats, and her latest book, Damaged Rudders—and every offering feels like it was created with wisdom, care, and serious clinical skill. Her retreats are transformative in ways that linger long after returning home, and her writing somehow speaks both to the intellectual and the emotional self. If you’re seeking real healing, practical tools, and a genuinely powerful experience, look no further.”
Better Wellness Naturally is now on Substack!
We’re creating a dedicated space for deeper reflections, healing insights, and meaningful conversations. That means more resources, inspiration, and guidance—delivered straight to your inbox!
If you already enjoy 3-2-1 Tuesdays, you’ll love what’s coming.
Comments