Welcome to 3-2-1 Tuesdays with Better Wellness Naturally- Why Comparison Steals Joy
- Admin
- Jun 9
- 5 min read
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Quick bits of therapeutic info and learning, ideas, concepts, and quotes.
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3: Keys
2: Concepts
1: Quick Article
"A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms." — Zen Shin
3 Keys to Understanding the Impact of Comparison
Comparison distorts reality: Have you ever looked at someone else's life and thought, "Wow, they have it all together"—only to later find out they were struggling behind the scenes? Social media and even casual conversations often show us a filtered version of reality, making it easy to believe others have things better than we do.
What we don’t see are the challenges, insecurities, and failures that everyone experiences. Comparison tricks us into measuring ourselves against an incomplete picture, making our own achievements feel small when they’re actually significant. Instead of assuming others have it easier, remind yourself that everyone has their own battles—just like you.
It shifts focus outward, not inward: Constantly comparing yourself to others can make it feel like you’re never enough. It’s like running a race while looking sideways—you lose focus on your own path. When we measure ourselves by someone else’s timeline or achievements, we start chasing goals that might not even align with what we truly want.
Instead of looking at someone else's progress and feeling behind, pause and reflect on your own journey. What have you accomplished that your past self would be proud of? The only person you need to compare yourself to is who you were yesterday. True happiness comes when you focus on your own growth, not someone else’s.
It fosters a scarcity mindset: Comparison makes it easy to feel like success, love, or happiness are limited resources—as if someone else’s win means there’s less available for you. But life isn’t a competition. There’s no limit to personal growth, and your journey doesn’t lose value just because someone else is thriving.
Shifting your mindset from scarcity to abundance helps you appreciate what you have while still striving for more. Instead of seeing others’ successes as a reminder of what you lack, try using them as inspiration. If they can do it, so can you—but in your own way and at your own pace.
A Couple of Concepts
Abundance Mindset: Imagine life as a massive banquet filled with endless opportunities. Just because someone else has a full plate doesn’t mean there’s less food for you. The more you focus on gratitude, the more you recognize that good things are not in short supply.
Studies in positive psychology show that practicing gratitude rewires the brain, making it easier to focus on the positives in our own lives instead of what we lack. One simple habit? Each night, write down three things you’re grateful for. Over time, this helps train your mind to appreciate what you have instead of focusing on what you think you’re missing.
Self-Compassion: When your best friend is struggling, you likely offer words of encouragement, reminding them that they’re doing great despite their challenges. But when it comes to yourself? That inner voice can be harsh and unforgiving.
Self-compassion isn’t about ignoring mistakes or challenges—it’s about acknowledging them without judgment. Studies show that people who practice self-kindness experience less anxiety and depression while building more resilience. Next time you catch yourself being overly critical, pause and ask: Would I say this to a friend? If not, offer yourself the same understanding you’d give someone you care about.
A Quick Overview
Comparison is a natural human tendency rooted in social comparison theory, where we evaluate ourselves based on others. While this can sometimes be motivating, it often leads to self-doubt, anxiety, and a sense of inadequacy—especially when we compare our personal, professional, or physical achievements to those around us. Whether it’s seeing a colleague’s promotion, a friend’s relationship, or someone’s fitness journey, constant comparison shifts our focus outward, making us feel like we are falling behind.
Neuroscientific research shows that frequent comparison triggers the brain’s reward system, affecting our dopamine levels and emotional regulation. This effect is worsened by modern influences, including social media and societal pressures, which distort reality and reinforce unrealistic expectations. Comparison can also fuel a scarcity mindset, where we believe success and happiness are limited resources, leading to increased stress and lower self-worth.
Breaking free from this cycle starts with shifting toward an abundance mindset, where we recognize that success, joy, and love are not finite. Research suggests that gratitude and self-reflection improve emotional well-being by activating the prefrontal cortex, which enhances rational thinking and self-awareness. Limiting exposure to unnecessary comparison triggers—whether in-person or online—can also help us reclaim our joy.
The healthiest form of comparison is self-reflection. Instead of measuring success by external standards, focus on your own growth. Celebrate your small wins, acknowledge your progress, and practice self-compassion. Studies on self-compassion show that people who treat themselves with kindness experience greater resilience and overall happiness. Ultimately, joy isn’t found in outpacing others but in embracing your unique path, recognizing your worth, and finding fulfillment within yourself.
References:
Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic motivation and self-determination in human behavior. Springer Science & Business Media.
Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389.
Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations, 7(2), 117–140.
Hunt, M. G., Marx, R., Lipson, C., & Young, J. (2018). No more FOMO: Limiting social media decreases loneliness and depression. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 37(10), 751–768.
Meshi, D., Morawetz, C., & Heekeren, H. R. (2015). Nucleus accumbens response to gains in reputation: Relevance to social media. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 9, 616.
Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion, self-esteem, and well-being. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 5(1), 1–12.
Sapolsky, R. M. (2004). Why zebras don't get ulcers: The acclaimed guide to stress, stress-related diseases, and coping. Holt Paperbacks.
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