Welcome to 3-2-1 Tuesdays with Better Wellness Naturally- The Illusion of Control
- Admin
- Jun 28
- 3 min read
Thank you for joining us for 3-2-1 Tuesdays!
Quick bits of therapeutic info and learning, ideas, concepts, and quotes.
Brought to you by Better Wellness Naturally
3: Keys
2: Concepts
1: Quick Article
“Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.” – Eckhart Tolle
3 Keys
Control is often fear in disguise.
Have you noticed how the urge to control tends to show up when we’re feeling unsettled? It’s rarely about the other person or the situation itself. It’s about wanting reassurance that things won’t fall apart. Once that’s clear, we can pause and ask a more honest question: Am I acting from fear, or from a place of choice?
Letting go can be freeing.
Releasing control doesn’t mean giving up or being careless. It means trusting life to unfold in its own way. Every time we loosen our grip even just a little, we make room for new experiences, growth, and even joy we didn’t expect.
Radical acceptance is a superpower.
Accepting things and people as they are doesn’t make us weak. In fact, it takes courage. Radical acceptance lets us be grounded in ourselves while the world around us continues to shift. It’s about surrendering without losing ourselves.
A Couple of Concepts
Control Fallacy- the Illusion of Control
It’s that sneaky belief that we can manage outcomes—or even other people—far more than we actually can. Some actions matter. Trying to control everything, though, usually backfires. Stress builds, tension increases, and frustration takes over.
Radical Acceptance
A mindfulness and therapy concept that’s basically about saying, “This is what is happening. I don’t have to like it. I can’t control it. But I can meet it with presence and calm.” It’s not resignation—it’s emotional freedom.
A Quick Overview:
The human brain is built to anticipate danger. While that once supported survival, it now often drives the urge to control people, outcomes, and situations far beyond what’s possible. Science shows that trying to control things we can’t leads to stress, anxiety, and even physical problems.
Yet, what do most of us continue to do? We predict.
Here’s the interesting part: research in positive psychology and mindfulness studies shows that people who practice letting go—those who embrace radical acceptance—report more satisfaction in life. And yes, this means less stress and stronger relationships.
Buddhism teaches non-attachment. Stoicism reminds us to focus on what’s within our control. Even modern therapy highlights the power of mindfulness and acceptance. They all point to the same truth: trying to control everything keeps us stuck, while releasing even just a little helps us grow, connect, and feel freer.
As we often say at Better Wellness Naturally, pain comes from friction, and friction comes from attachment.
So, next time you catch yourself trying to “fix” someone or something, just pause and ask yourself: Can I accept this as it is? Can I let go of the urge to control just a little?
That tiny release might be the key to a sense of calm, clarity, and emotional freedom you didn’t know was possible.
References:
Kabat-Zinn, J. (1994). Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life.
Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.
Linehan, M. (1993). Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder.
Lyubomirsky, S. (2008). The How of Happiness.
by Laura Weber Garrison, PhD
New Review:
“Reading Damaged Rudders feels like sitting with someone who really cares and really gets it. Dr. Garrison doesn’t sugarcoat, yet she writes in a way that makes the hard truths land with compassion. The mix of research and real-life understanding made me stop, reflect, and actually apply what I was reading. It’s not just another self-help book—it’s a companion for the work of healing.”
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