Most of us want to effectuate some sort of positive changes in our lives and most of us know that we could use some help.  We make a decision to do something new, change a behavior, or break a habit only to find we're right back where we started after a few days. 

 

Or we want to try to do something new and we run into unexpected blocks--we freeze or panic or simply cannot motivate ourselves when the time comes to get out of the house.  We're depressed, we're angry, we're confused...and we just can't seem to shake those feelings.

 

This is especially true if we've experienced abuse or trauma.

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Here's why:  We all tend to run in a comfortable default mode most of the time.  And we all operate from a place of 'where we feel the safest.' 

 

Think about the way you do the things you do each day without giving the action any real thought –the way you put your shoes on, how you arrange things in your spaces, the route you drive to work, which seat you take in a room, which hand reaches for the television remote (that seems to go to the same station at the same time every day)  or which hand you use to pick up certain objects.

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We’re wired this way and our brains are designed to use this “default mode" to free up our conscious attention to focus on more important tasks.

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Here’s the pivotal issue:   If we're not careful or even really aware of this default mode, our default settings can, and often do, sabotage our desire for positive changes.  Trauma, abuse, grief, and major disruptions in our day-to-day existence can have a major impact on our default modes.  Our nervous systems become overstimulated, we begin to shut down in other areas of our lives.

 

Yet, real changes are possible.

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Part of the relief is hidden within your understanding:  Do you know how and why you keep doing something the same way over and over even though you want to change? Do you know why it's so hard to change once something has become a habit? 

 

Yes, defaults.

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Our default setting is what's comfortable – in other words, what has become habitual and what we do automatically.

 

And, unfortunately,  when it comes to thinking about the future, the default setting is usually that of anxiety, worry, and fear.  Add in the challenges of an overstimulated nervous system...is it any wonder some of us just want to give up?

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The good news that it doesn't have to be that way.

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Change is indeed possible.

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One of the challenges, however, is that many of us try to hide our stress, deny that our relationships are strained, or use medications, alcohol, or food to avoid feeling pain or uncertainty.  We work so diligently to mask our emotional pain that we become numb to life.  We check out.

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Another part of the challenge is that we look around and think everyone else is doing so well and think that we are alone.  Worse yet, we are certain that everyone else has things figured out and that we are the only one who is in pain and doesn't know what to do to fix whatever is causing the pain.  We may even have issues and secrets that we're ashamed of.

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The truth is that everyone is fighting some sort of battle and everyone has pain that no one else sees. Everyone has hidden emotions.

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Seeking help from a professional therapist, a counselor or a coach doesn't make a person bad, wrong, or 'less than’.  Just as our physical health must be maintained, so must our emotional and mental health.

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Pain is real, and whether there is an actual, physical manifestation of it that others can see, doesn't make it any less real.  The fact that someone cannot see your pain is irrelevant. 

 

The fact is that your pain is still real and you still feel it.

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And who is there for you, unconditionally and without judgment to help you reflect, analyze, and work through the blocks? Oftentimes there is no one within our immediate circles that truly "gets" what we're dealing with.

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Many of us really have no one we can turn to, unconditionally, when we feel alone and out of control or when we're ready to make those big changes.

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So, how do we express and experience our emotions in healthy ways rather than burying them inside where they begin the process of mental, spiritual, and perhaps physical corrosion?

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We all need someone to really hear us and to proactively listen to what we are saying without judgment, even when we are in the midst of our confusion.  We need to feel safe. And there isn’t always someone safe and nonjudgmental in our life that we can go to for help with our pain and confusion.

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Feeling safe and truly heard... and, above all, understood.

 

That’s a really new concept for some of us. Many of us have old programs running that contain negative cycles and patterns.  Sometimes these were big, reflexive safety-based issued that stemmed from things such as abuse and addiction--things that were outside of us and outside of our control-- that have painfully woven themselves throughout our lives for years in various ways. 

 

We deal with things the way we learned to in order to survive.  That's what we know how to do, and our reflexes became automatic.  We continue running on default.

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Sometimes when we're on default things are painful all the time, no matter what we consciously think we are trying to do, or actually, in the moment, doing differently.  We're frustrated when we try new, seemingly simple things and find we are grossly uncomfortable. We take a new route to school or work, for example, only to find that we are unduly agitated and wind up missing an important meeting.  We want to bring something up that may be a little out of the ordinary up with a partner, spouse, friend, or a child--something that may be construed as confrontational for them yet important to our growth or happiness --and we freeze.  

 

We know better and it happens to us anyway.  And our life remains pain-filled.

 

Why?

 

Like any growing, living thing, the roots of those reflexive reactions must be addressed, unraveled, and dealt with effectively at their source or they will keep springing back.  Until we get to the roots of the default behavior patterns and effectuate real changes there, any changes we try to make just won't last.

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When we wait to seek care until the pain is unbearable, we do ourselves and oftentimes, those who are closest to us, a great disservice. 

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Please remember that no one on this planet is living here alone, no matter how isolated he or she may be. No one is perfect nor invincible, and there is no need for any of us to think we need to be perfect, invincible, or alone.

 

Pain may be a fact for you.  Suffering, however, is optional and is indeed a choice.  Pain can be safely faced, worked through, and alleviated. 

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We are physical beings and just as we need medical care at times, we are also spiritual and emotional beings who require spiritual and emotional care. 

 

And you'll get the help you are seeking to finally unravel those old reflexive habits at their source so you can begin again in a healthy, happier, more joy-filled way of living.

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A Brief Overview of Getting Started:

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The first big step is that of helping you gain clarity around your personal health and wellness goals. 

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Sometimes finding that clarity, the “What do I really want?” is rather challenging for some of us.  Are we after a ‘thing’, a feeling, or a new way of living our life?

 

And...What is suffering? 

 

Many of us will quickly reply, “I am suffering! I am in pain!” yet where is the pain originating from? Is it our health?  Is it our well-being?  Is it fear? Is it something that has or is happening in our lives?  Is it some pattern or cycle from childhood that we don't even know about...?

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This work is a process.  With awareness change is possible, real, and within reach.  You've got to do the work, however.

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And you'll have help.

 

Once we’ve addressed the ‘What’, we’ll work together to develop holistic strategies to help you initiate, effectuate, and cultivate the positive changes you are seeking. 

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What Our Group Programs are About:

 

Our programs are designed to assist and support our clients in identifying, understanding, and embodying the ‘How’ of what they want to do, be, or have more of in their lives from a safe, non-judgmental place of healing.

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A Brief Overview of What Our One on One and Group Program Sessions Include:

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• Discussing what you would like to accomplish, where your blocks are, and determining the best course(s) of action

• Developing and actuating an actionable plan that grows with you

• Helping you to set and achieve incremental goals and providing accountability toward long-range and larger goals

• Providing physical, emotional, and lifestyle assessments, monitoring, and resources.

• Loving, non-judgmental support in a safe, growth-oriented environment.

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