Welcome to 3-2-1 Tuesdays with Better Wellness Naturally- Gratitude vs. Toxic Positivity
- Admin
- Jun 9
- 5 min read
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Quick bits of therapeutic info and learning, ideas, concepts, and quotes.
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3: Keys
2: Concepts
1: Quick Article
"You don't have to be grateful for everything to be grateful in something."
— Dr. Thema Bryant
3 Keys
Gratitude Isn’t Denial: Gratitude doesn’t mean pretending everything’s fine when it’s not. It’s not about ignoring pain—it’s about making space for both the good and the hard. You can be hurting and still find moments of appreciation. That doesn’t make you fake—it makes you emotionally aware. Real gratefulness acknowledges life’s complexity, not just the sunshine.
Kindness Over Clichés: We’ve all heard the “just be positive” line. But when someone’s struggling, that kind of response can feel dismissive—even hurtful. Toxic positivity skips past real emotions and pressures people to perform happiness. In contrast, authentic gratitude says, “I see what you’re going through, and I’m still thankful for this moment with you.” It creates space for connection instead of silence.
Gratitude Is a Doorway, Not a Disguise: Think of gratitude as a doorway that invites you into deeper awareness, not a mask you wear to hide what you feel. It doesn’t demand you be cheerful all the time. It simply asks you to notice what still matters. When practiced honestly, gratitude grounds you—it doesn’t gloss over your reality. It gives you something to hold onto when life feels shaky.
A Couple of Concepts
Stay Grounded: Toxic positivity often feels like air: light, quick, and hard to hold onto. It’s a reflex, not a reflection. Gratitude, on the other hand, is rooted in the present. It asks you to pause, reflect, and really see what’s still meaningful—even in pain. Research shows that gratitude activates brain regions associated with emotional regulation and moral cognition, like the prefrontal cortex. This grounding effect helps reduce stress and increase resilience, even in emotionally challenging times.
No Fixing Required: Ever felt like you have to be emotionally “clean” before you can practice gratitude? That’s the myth. True gratitude doesn’t wait for your feelings to be tidy or your heart to be unburdened. It coexists with the mess. According to a study in the Journal of Positive Psychology, gratitude can buffer the effects of negative emotions without eliminating them. That means you can still feel overwhelmed and experience real benefits just by acknowledging what you're thankful for.
A Quick Overview: Gratitude vs. Toxic Positivity: Why One Heals and the Other Hurts
In the world of wellness and self-help, gratitude gets a lot of attention—and rightly so. But there’s a fine line between true gratefulness and the emotional pressure cooker known as toxic positivity. Understanding the difference is key to building emotional resilience and maintaining mental well-being.
Toxic positivity—the belief that no matter how bad things get, we should always maintain a positive attitude. It sounds nice on the surface, but it can be incredibly harmful. When people are told to “just be grateful” or “focus on the positive” while they’re going through real pain, it invalidates their experience and can leave them feeling alone, ashamed, and yes, resentful.
Now compare that with authentic gratitude, which is grounded in awareness. It’s not about ignoring problems—it’s about acknowledging them while still finding something meaningful or valuable. For example, someone grieving a loss might still feel grateful for the time they had with a loved one. Gratitude, in this form, doesn’t erase pain—it helps us hold both grief and grace together.
The science backs this up. Studies from Emmons & McCullough show that gratitude practices are linked to improved psychological health, better sleep, and increased resilience. But here’s the thing: those benefits don’t come from faking it. They come from real emotional processing.
A 2020 paper published in Frontiers in Psychology warns about the mental toll of suppressing negative emotions. The researchers found that when people feel forced to present a happy face—whether socially or internally—it can increase stress and reduce authentic connection. Toxic positivity, essentially, is emotional avoidance dressed up in affirmations.
So, how do we embrace real gratitude without slipping into the toxic trap? By making space for both. You can say, “This is hard, and I’m grateful for the people helping me through it.” You can hold grief and gratitude, anxiety and appreciation, all at once. That’s not weakness—that’s emotional maturity.
In short, gratitude meets us where we are; toxic positivity pushes us into pretending we’re somewhere we’re not.
References:
Emmons, R.A., & McCullough, M.E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389.
Bastian, B., Kuppens, P., Hornsey, M. J., Park, J., Koval, P., & Uchida, Y. (2012). Feeling bad about being sad: The role of social expectancies in amplifying negative emotions. Emotion, 12(1), 69–80.
Wood, A. M., Froh, J. J., & Geraghty, A. W. A. (2010). Gratitude and well-being: A review and theoretical integration. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(7), 890–905.
Quoidbach, J., Mikolajczak, M., & Gross, J. J. (2015). Positive interventions: An emotion regulation perspective. Psychological Bulletin, 141(3), 655–693.
Frontiers in Psychology (2020). Emotional suppression and well-being outcomes in different cultural contexts.
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