Welcome to 3-2-1 Tuesdays with Better Wellness Naturally- Emotional Permanence
- Admin
- Jun 9
- 4 min read
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Quick bits of therapeutic info and learning, ideas, concepts, and quotes.
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3: Keys
2: Concepts
1: Quick Article
“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.”— Helen Keller
3 Keys to Understanding Emotional Permanence:
Connection Exists Even in Absence: Emotional permanence means understanding that love and care don’t disappear just because they aren’t being actively expressed. A parent who’s busy still loves their child. A partner who needs space still values the relationship. This awareness helps reduce anxious thoughts and allows for more secure attachments.
Reassurance Isn’t Always Required: When emotional permanence is strong, we don’t need constant validation to believe in someone’s care or commitment. It helps us hold onto the emotional truth of our relationships, even during conflict, distance, or silence.
Emotional Memory Builds Emotional Security: Emotional permanence is supported by the ability to hold onto past experiences of connection, warmth, and love—even in moments of uncertainty. That memory anchors us when emotions fluctuate, offering a stable sense of belonging that doesn’t vanish with a bad day or a hard moment.
A Couple of Concepts
Emotional Reactivity: Emotional reactivity happens when we allow feelings to override reflection. It often leads to impulsive words or actions and gives temporary emotions a sense of permanence. Rather than recognizing that emotions rise and fall, reactivity traps us in the urgency of the moment, making it harder to step back and respond thoughtfully. In contrast, emotional permanence offers the perspective that even intense feelings will pass and can be managed with awareness.
Emotional Invalidation: Emotional invalidation occurs when we dismiss, minimize, or ignore our own feelings—or those of others. This erodes emotional permanence by disrupting our ability to acknowledge and move through emotional experiences. When feelings are invalidated, we’re more likely to suppress them or question their legitimacy, which interferes with healing. Emotional permanence depends on honoring emotions as real and temporary—not as something to avoid, but something to witness and process.
A Quick Overview
So, What Is Emotional Permanence?
Emotional permanence is the internal sense that love, care, and emotional connection always remain inherently present—even when they’re not being actively expressed. It’s the ability to know, feel, and trust that someone still cares for you, even if they’re unavailable, upset, distracted, or physically distant. This concept is closely related to emotional object constancy in developmental psychology, which is foundational to secure attachment.
Without emotional permanence, someone may struggle to feel emotionally secure when a loved one is not immediately affirming their bond. They might interpret distance, silence, or momentary frustration as rejection, abandonment, or the loss of love. In contrast, emotional permanence provides a sense of emotional steadiness, helping individuals maintain confidence in relationships even when reassurance isn’t immediately available.
This ability develops through consistent, attuned caregiving in early life—but it can also be affected by trauma, loss, or relational disruptions later on. People with anxious attachment styles or histories of emotional neglect often find it difficult to maintain emotional permanence, which can show up as:
Repeatedly asking for reassurance
Fearing abandonment during conflict or distance
Struggling to believe in others’ love unless it’s constantly demonstrated
Becoming overwhelmed by perceived emotional withdrawal
Neuroscience helps us understand this further. Emotional memory and regulation involve both the amygdala, which processes threat and emotional salience, and the prefrontal cortex, which contributes to perspective-taking and impulse control. When emotional permanence is underdeveloped, emotional experiences can feel immediate and all-consuming. Strengthening emotional regulation, building secure relationships, and working through attachment wounds are all ways to increase emotional stability and permanence over time.
References:
Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Basic Books.
Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are. The Guilford Press.
Schore, A. N. (2003). Affect Regulation and the Repair of the Self. W. W. Norton & Company.
Cozolino, L. (2014). The Neuroscience of Human Relationships: Attachment and the Developing Social Brain (2nd ed.). W. W. Norton & Company.
Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2007). Attachment in Adulthood: Structure, Dynamics, and Change. Guilford Press.
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